Personal Development

If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell on me? In high school, I only read one book from cover to cover: Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck). I kept the same pace in college, and crushed one whole book there, too: 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace (Dr. Wayne W. Dyer). Needless to say, reading wasn't necessarily "my thing."

So, if you're not an avid reader, but someone has been pleading with you for quite some time now, saying, "Man, you have got to read this book..." I'm telling you there's hope. I went from thinking that reading is for the birds to eating books for breakfast. Personal growth and development has become a passion of mine. It's like second nature these days. But, the sad truth is that most people don't change until they have to. That's exactly what to happened for me.

I looked up one day in my mid-20s and I was running in place--spinning my wheels; going nowhere fast. I realized that for many years I was aiming at nothing and I kept hitting it right smack dead on the head! I realized that if I didn't decide where I was going, any road was going to take me there. Thankfully, someone came alongside me and taught me how to start working on me by investing in my mind. 

Several years later, you would probably be impressed by my library. You might even call me a nerd, but I'm cool with that. Here's a list of great reads (in no particular order, with a link to each book, and each author's Twitter handle, for your convenience) that have rocked my world and and helped me in every aspect of my life.

The Dream Giver (Bruce Wilkinson: @Bruce_Wilkinson) -- The classic tale of Ordinary leaving his Comfort Zone in order to pursue his Big Dream resonated with me in every way possible when I picked it up. It was my first introduction to the notion that if I wanted to live my dream instead of just living my life, I was going to have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. This book encouraged me to step out of the boat. 

How to Win Friends & Influence People (Dale Carnegie: @DaleCarnegie) -- If I could go back and start my teaching career over again, regardless of the fact that I taught Social Studies, reading this book would be a requirement in each of my classes for every single one of my students. This book taught me one of life greatest lessons: we are all in the people business. How you manage your relationships is key to any level of success and a life of significance.

The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman: @DrGaryChapman) -- A staple in the wide world of relationship books. But, here's why I appreciate it so much: it not only helped me appreciate various expressions of love from a holy matrimony standpoint (and learning how to be a student of my wife), but it also brought some clarity on how to communicate affection and admiration to other people in my life; family, friends, colleagues, etc. 

The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth (John C. Maxwell: @JohnCMaxwell) -- The book that taught me how to focus on self-development instead of self-fulfillment. A true game changer. I realized after reading this book that if I wanted to continue giving, I had to continue growing. In my opinion, Maxwell drops timeless wisdom in this read through a blueprint that anyone can follow.

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day (Mark Batterson: @MarkBatterson) -- Batterson quickly became one of my mentors after reading this for the very first time. My younger brother, Michael, gifted me a copy, warning me not to partake of it until I was ready for it to change my life. It did just that. This book smacked me around and challenged me to face my fears with the notion that my biggest obstacles could be my greatest opportunities. 

Three Feet from Gold (Sharon L. Letcher & Greg S. Reid: Sharon? & @GregReid) -- Thanks to this piece of literature, I've been able to keep two things in perspective: (1) you can't win if you don't play the game, and (2) winners never quit and quitters never win. It's one of those books that you can read just a couple pages of and chew on for days. 

Lead... for God's Sake! (Todd G. Gongwer: @ToddGongwer) -- Probably one of the top three most influential books I've ever read on leadership. Which is why Jason West--a dear friend whom I greatly admire--told me that I needed to stop reading what I was currently reading, and dive into this book immediately, when he shared it with me. It gets right down to the main thing and teaches you how to keep the main thing the main thing. It's all about why... Not the how or the what. The why. I highly recommend this book for every coach on the planet, no matter what age group or sport you coach!

​The Slight Edge (Jeff Olson: @JeffOlson_) -- The Slight Edge Principle became a staple philosophy for me as I began working from home as an entrepreneur. A mentor, Chris Estes, told me that it was a must read and that I should share it with everyone in my business. It taught me that massive results come from a combination of daily (seemingly insignificant) decisions over a period of time. Consistency of applied action is key to any great endeavor. I realized I had been failing miserably in life because I was allowing The Slight Edge Principle to work against me. 

The Prayer of Jabez (Bruce Wilkinson again...) -- It's short and sweet, but it's powerful and it taught me a huge lesson on prayer and what it means to ask for God's blessing and protection. So often we throw around the word blessed (as I will admit I have been a fault for in the past), without truly considering what it means: to receive supernatural favor from God. In other words, God doing in your life what only He can do. When I read this book, I knew I needed more of God in my life. I was reminded that He was, is and always will be readily available.

The Traveler's Gift (Andy Andrews: @AndyAndrews) -- I'm honestly not big on fiction books. They never have been my cup of tea, so to speak, but this read is a happy marriage of self-help and fiction. Plus, I read anything Jason West tells me to read. It's a personal growth jewel! This book forced me to draw a line in the sand (on a number of things in my life) and decide to make the most of this side of eternity. 

The ONE Thing (Gary Keller: @garykeller) -- Gifted to me by a friend, Martha Carpenter, who shares this same book with practically everyone she meets and respects as she expands her network of contacts, The ONE Thing helped me narrow the focus. In a world full of distractions, shiny objects and dozens of demands, it's easy to wear yourself out trying to do everything. Before reading this book, I was trying to be everything for everybody. I found out that I was on my way of being a nothing to nobody. 

​Eat That Frog! (Brian Tracy: @BrianTracy) -- A book that I have to revisit often, because truth be told, I stink it up in the procrastination department. I always have... So, this book was crucial for me, showing me the importance of having a do it now initiative about things. There is no substitute for urgency. This read will help you remember that when it's all said and done, make sure more is done than said.

Follow Me (David Platt: @plattdavid) -- Talk about a call to action in regards to what we are commanded to do as Christians! Platt busted my head with this no-nonsense application of what the Great Commission should look like in the life of the Church. It's spoken to me, revealing that we are fulfilling our calling (and only doing so) when we are actively pursuing others for Christ by sharing the Gospel and making disciples. 

I hope this list of reads serves you well. I'm a changed man because of them; literally. It's getting late, so I need to crash. Jaala gets on me all the time about not getting enough rest. And, with snow in the forecast, I'll probably get started on the next book that I'll soon be referring you to. Until then, remember: we have access to some of the most brilliant minds that ever roamed the earth. Pick up a book, pick their brain, and learn from those who have gone before you. The book you don't read won't help you and it's not about what the book costs, but rather what it will cost you if you don't buy the book. Invest in you. It's the best investment you will ever make, because it will allow you to invest more in others.

Let's grow.

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Relationships

Well all know that a common conversational piece among folks to break the ice, so to speak, is the current weather forecast. In a recent exchange of hellos and have a nice days, a lady mentioned that "they're calling for some snow."

I've always found it humorous how people so often reference "they." (I always want to know who they is.) But anyway, I replied with, "My wife and I were just talking about snow, this morning! She said she wouldn't mind being snowed in for a couple days. She's one of those types that if it's going to be cold, there'd better be some snow." "How long have you been married?" the lady asked. "Almost three months, " I said. "Well, that makes sense," she replied, sarcastically joking. She obviously was implying that being newlyweds, sure you don't mind being snowed in, together. But if you're my age, no one wants to be cooped up with their spouse against their own will.

Although we were having a little fun, as our conversation ended, I couldn't help but think about how many couples actually would not want to be snowed in with their spouse. It led me to consider why that may be... I would like to think that a large contributing factor is this: many couples have very little meaningful conversation, so there's no incentive to even talk much at all to one another, much less hang out together in close quarters consistently. 

Here are three ways to create more meaningful conversation in your relationship:

Walk and Talk:  Jaala and I take a proactive approach to our heath, so we enjoy holding one another accountable on certain things involving fitness and nutrition. We workout together and have a blast doing so, but one of our favorite activities is our weekly walk and talk on Monday mornings. It's our time to get out of the house, enjoy a brisk walk, and discuss our schedule and goals for the week. The area that we live in has several nice parks, so during the warmer months, we have plenty of options as to where we want to walk. During the colder months, our church has a great facility that's open to the public, with a great walking track. The exercise, coupled with intentional uninterrupted conversation, makes for a great start to our Monday.

Fix Dinner Together:  We both love good food, and since I'm a mean cook, this works out great! (Jaala and I joke about who's the better cook all the time.) One thing I enjoy most about our home dinner dates is it allows us to learn more about the foods and tastes that we both like. So, not only does it give us an opportunity to grow in respect to learning more about one another's likes and dislikes, but it allows us to focus on serving one another by cooking foods on a given evening that are more geared toward her likes or my favorites. Try it with your spouse. I'm sure you'll have just as much fun researching recipes, practicing healthier choices, experimenting with new foods and flavors, and even cutting some costs in the dining out budget. 

Pray for One Another, Together:  We work hard, together, to keep our faith in Jesus Christ at the center of our relationship. We know that if we don't, ultimately we will fail one another. In my opinion, the first thing you should do each day is pray for your spouse. The last thing you should do each day is pray for your spouse. So, in other words, the most important thing you should do for your spouse each day is pray for your spouse. But, consider taking it a step further... Instead of just praying with your spouse and/or praying for your spouse, try praying for your spouse with your spouse. I believe the most intimate conversations we've ever had have come after times of prayer. This is because, when we pray, we are vulnerable. We're talking to our Heavenly Father about our deepest needs. Allowing your spouse to have all access to that conversation is a really big deal. Jaala and I have made it a daily discipline to pray for one another--out loud, together, holding hands--and it's the best part of our day. I have no doubt in my mind that praying together, and having more conversation with the Creator and sustaining of your relationship, will also increase the amount of meaningful conversation in your relationship. 

If you decide to give those tips as shot, let me know how they work out for you... I'd love to hear how your relationship is growing. But, as with anything else in life, if you want things to get better, you have to get better. If you want things to change, you have to change. So, be intentional about growing and making adjustments. Be intentional about having meaningful conversation with your spouse. Be intentional about discussing things that are of great interest and importance to your other half. Simply be intentional about protecting and nurturing your relationship. 

Let's grow.

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