He or She Doesn't Need All that Pressure

Relationships

​"It's not about finding the one. It's about preparing yourself to be the one." -Jefferson Bethke

What if the movies that were promoted among us shared what dating, courtship, relationships, marriage, love--what all that stuff really looked like?  What if the media didn't condone and celebrate a masquerade of men and women selected to compete for the attention of one lucky individual of the opposite sex... who would eventually choose which one they liked best?  What if the news didn't always feature Hollywood's hottest couple, followed by news of their horrific breakup?  I would venture to say our expectations would drastically change on how we pursued and engaged in intimate and meaningful relationships.

Here's the bottom line:  your significant other, he or she, doesn't need all that pressure that comes with being "the one" or that perfect soulmate.  If you're going to set that standard, then be ready to watch your partner crash and burn, over and over again.  Then, prepare yourself for let down after let down, over and over again.

One of my mentors told me some time ago that pain is our best teacher. After the pain of regret and the pain of failure, grace offered me a different perspective. Grace says it's more about giving and less about getting.  God is more concerned with our holiness than He is with our happiness.

If you're on the hunt for that perfect someone, good luck, because (1) everyone of the opposite sex is born into a fallen world with a sin nature, just like you; (2) you're setting a standard that probably cannot be reached; and (3) you're probably walking by wonderful bachelors or bachelorettes, every single day, who could or would be great companions.

Am I saying that you should throw away your checklist of attributes? Not necessarily... It's certainly important to be intentional.  And there's nothing wrong with being aware of what you're most attracted to.  But, remember to be flexible.  After all, you are human.  And do yourself a favor by asking for God's help.  He's a pretty good resource to have in your corner, since He created man and woman and the institution of marriage.  Plus, He knows your heart better than you do and He truly wants what's best for you.  He'll also provide wise counsel, if you choose to seek advice from couples who have winning relationships that are anchored in sacrificial love.

Let's grow.